Insecurity.

When I think of insecurity, I think of a teenage girl who can't look in the mirror without tears. Or on the other hand, the girl who is obviously beautiful and pulls the "insecurity" card asking for compliments or "no, you are not fat!" comments.

And I am in no way either of those girls. I'm fine with my appearance. Yes, I think there are things to improve on, pound to be lost, and hair to be straightened. But I feel like that is healthy and normal. On the other hand, I don't know what to do with compliments. I don't care for added attention. Plus, I'm rather annoyed by having to "fish" for compliments. Therefore, I've always considered myself far from insecure and pity those who say they have issues with insecurity.

That is, until I started reading Beth Moore's new book "So Long Insecurity". I picked up the book not expecting much other than an easy read. I expected the book to full of warm and fuzzies about how we are beautiful in God's sight (which is true, when we are covered by His blood). But Beth Moore must have gotten a phone call from my husband, cause she has pinpointed my sin and the confusing lies Satan has pulled me into.

Beth wrote about how we all peg a certain type of girl as the insecure type and if we don't fit the profile, then we think we're a-ok. But here's the truth: "Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism... The fact that she (an insecure woman)can be a complicated mix of confidence and self-consciousness is the very reason it took me so long to identify it in myself and admit it."

I mean, hello... I've always been a perfectionist. Never satisfied with that grade, that weight, that status or that relationship. But lately, I see it in myself even more. I strain myself in so many ways to appear to be perfect, when the oftentimes the Lord would rather me rest in Him and seek His approval,not men.

But not only that, Beth quotes a specialist who describes the insescure person who "also harbors unrealistic expectation about love and relationships. These expectations, for themselves and for others, are often unconscious. The insecure person creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable. Ironically, although insecure people are easily and frequently hurt, they are usually unaware of how they are unwitting accomplices in creating theirown misery."

Well, my husband must have called that specialist too. Cause that's ME! For so long, I've looked at situations and felt that I need God to fix the situations I'm in, rather than seeing that I needed to let the Lord do a serious work in ME. I read these chapters earlier this week, and the Lord has been letting it brew in my life, seeing that I am in need of solid, complete secure in Him,rather than in myself, my husband, and my social standing.

Whew... And that's just the first two chapters, friends! So I challenge you to pick up Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurity" and join her blog community as we read through the book together.

Also, a 5 6 o'clock club update: Yes, I joined the ladies at Girltalk and committed to rising early during the month of February in order to spend more uninterrupted time with the Lord and in His Word. And it's surprisingly been going well! My only issue is waking up at that time on Friday (R and I's day off) and Saturday. If our schedule allows it,R sleeps in on those days and I sometimes feel bad waking up that early cause after my time with the Lord, I usually get too loud for him (reminder- we live in itty bitty apartment).